Drip.

I am the epitome of confusion. A biscuit purpose built to crumble. I put myself back together every time but there’s always something a little bit wrong or obscure when I’m whole again.

Perfection, I do believe.

Disposable happy snaps of moments I could relive over and over and people that I'm going to love forever.

Memories that will now live on forever on cheap prints nestled into plastic sleeve beds side by side in photo album houses. My heart will fill and glow and burst with happiness and an overload of other feelings whenever I look at these. Forever, always, perfect.

When you were young.

Sorry for the overload of posts today but considering I scarcely ever post here any more, I don't think it'll matter too much, really. 

I don't know what's going on with my mind! I am in a crazed daze of feelings and emotions I either have never felt before or had forgotten existed. There's just something about some people and the things that they do. I realise none of this dribble probably makes any sense but what's the point in dribble that is easy to understand?

I thought I'd share with you some pictures of the yesteryear, lol. But in all seriousness they're all pictures of me when I was young. I love old photos. There's nothing better than looking through books of old, faded photographs of times you either remember and cherish or don't remember at all. Nostalgia is probably one of my favourite things ever. Love and jazz, my brain is a fizzled pot of overladen everything. x 

I often refrain from posting overly personal things on this blog because I feel as if I am tainting it.
Maybe that's what I'm doing now; maybe it's not.
All I know is that I feel like I have to tell you all that things are changing so very much in my life.
So many things have gone and so many things are coming.

And I really don't think I'm so scared any more.

You make me happy

Would you be mine?

Would you be my baby tonight?

Could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine

'Cause I like you quite a lot, 

Everything you got

Don't you know? It's you that I adore

Though I make the boys fall like dominoes

Everything is positively wonderful right now. Even though so many things are going on. Even though everything is chaotic. Melancholy days of nostalgic feelings and super hyped up moods. Everything will be okay.

Picnics.

Yesterday two lovely friends and I packed our mini sandwiches, caramel tarts, strawberries and soft drink into the car and bundled off to the water side for a picnic, complete with my retro esky and tartan picnic blanket.
A happy day always make everything momentarily better. You can drown out sad feelings with cheap wine but nothing makes your heart glow like laughing and eating with the people who you're closest too.
I need to spend more time with friends.

A little piece of me

So, in regards to the last post about sketching up tattoo ideas (Yes, I know, it's been way too long between posts AGAIN, but, I am here, rejoice!)

I thought I'd share my first colour sketch of my idea with you! 

However, when it comes down to me actually getting the tattoo, I don't know if I'd opt for colour or go with classic old black and grey. I love both, but on me I'm not sure.

I'd love any opinions or ideas thrown my way, also. Of course, it needs refining, fixing, and redoing several times over but you get the gist. Love love.

Quick update on my life; Things are amazing, I have fallen in love over again, I  am on turn of self discovery and I am happy as a chip with a french fry on a blazing summers day by the beach.

I hope you're all lovely.

Tattoo!

So, as you may or may not have worked out I love tattoos.

No, not because they're so 'in' right now or becoming so popular and more accepted (More accepted is a good thing, though!), or anything along those lines. I have just always loved them.

Growing up, Dad had tattoos. When I was little I'd sit in bed with Mum & Dad  in the morning while they drank their coffee and I would constantly be playing with the tattoos Dad has on his stomach, that go around to his back. He has 'Space', or some sort of solar system, Stars & Planets and lights of all different colours swirling around his torso. I used to run my fingers over them and look at them whenever I got the chance, they were just so fascinating to me. Permanent art on a human body, it doesn't come out, it's permanent. It stays there forever, it's a part of you. It tells your stories, makes you who you are. I love art, in any form, and having your own personal piece of art etched into your skin has always been an amazing concept to me.

Now, I'm also an extremely indecisive person. When it comes to anything. What I'm going to eat, drink, do, wear, you get the drift. So when it comes to tattoo ideas, I'm constantly changing my mind. I've had all sorts of ideas over he last few years (Some I am very glad I did not act upon!) but always wanted to wait until I was older and ready. Okay, so I'm 18, which isn't 'old' but I'm certainly a little more aware of what I want and who I am than I was when I was say, 14-16.

Over the past few months I have been probably more obsessed with tattoos than ever. My obsession with them is sort of crazy. So was my mission to find something 'perfect' or 'super meaningful'. I've looked at countless, countless amounts of tattoos, types, photos, trawled through tattoo blogs, read numerous magazines, spoken to several people and still, always left feeling like nothing was quite 'right'.

& In the matter of about half an hour last night, I had a sort of brainwave.
I was looking too hard, I was looking for something 'me' that wasn't going to be out there, because no-one else is me. So I thought, not too hard, about what I like. About the ideas that have been niggling in my mind for a few weeks. I pushed away all the cliché ideas that are constantly suggested to me when I'm talking about wanting a tattoo, like Dream-catchers, Feathers, Inspirational quotes and sayings, which are pretty, but are sickly popular these days and are become the next overdone cliché tattoo ideas sitting up high near Southern Cross tattoos and the like. Not saying they're in the same category, dream catchers and quotes can be pretty, but they're EVERYWHERE these days. I want something different. & that is difficult, considering so many people have tattoos in this day and age and having similar tattoos to at least several other people in the world is inevitable.

So last night, I just came up with my own idea. No-one else will have my tattoo, because I'm drawing it. I don't know where exactly the idea came from, my brain just vomited out of my fingers and I've started creating something I actually really, really like. All down to the shape and contents. Of course I'm going to have to sketch it out several times before it's perfect, and I won't be getting it for a while considering it'll probably cost a fair amount, but I love it. It's mine, it's me. I'm not going to describe it in extreme detail, just give you a general gist of the idea. I picked Tiger Lily flowers, Roses, Leaves, Swirls, Three Bees, encasing (not in a circle, in an odd shape) a bluebird, sitting on a small branch. Birds & Flowers are very popular tattoos, yes. But this is different, has approval of my uncle who's getting into tattooing and is very anti-cliché everything. I chose the bluebird because they represent things like happiness, joy, and embracing the happiness within you, (and several other said things), I chose Lilies and Roses because they're two of my favourite types of flowers when it comes to appearance, Lilies are said symbolise things such as purity, beauty, spirituality & unions, and Roses are about beauty and love. Not only that, my two little cousins are Lily and Ruby Rose. I read somewhere that Bees represent family, so the three bees are for Mum, Dad, and my Brother. But apart from all the somewhat corny meanings within the tattoo I have designed, I just love flowers, I love bluebirds, I love bees, I love pretty things, I love art, I love tattoos, and I love the way my idea has come out on paper. So I think this is it. HAZAAR!

Autumn!

Good morning fellow bloggers!

It is indeed a very lazy Autumn day once again today, the sky is mottled grey and the wind is keeping each leaf and branch busy blowing around in every which direction. It is rather cold outside, the airs cool and somewhat damp, I think we're going to get some rain, unfortunately. 

Luckily I'm cooped up inside with the fireplace burning, and Guns 'N' Roses are playing super loudly!

I spent yesterday lounging around doing pretty much nothing for the entirety of the day, and I am determined to have an at least slightly more productive day than that today. 

All this cold weather makes me want hot freshly made soups and breads and winter casseroles. Warm food is so comforting on so many levels when the weather is cold.

So, this picture is totally irrelevant to anything previously mentioned in this post but I had to share it with you because I think the artwork is so beautiful and the tattoo is so whimsical and lovely that it makes me glow on the inside. Yes, I do get that excited over well done tattoos. When I get a piece of art inked into my skin one day, I hope it turns out as magical as something like this.

I hope you're all having a wonderful week, no matter what you're doing, and that you're keeping your toes toasty warm!

Pinterest!

This-morning after looking at my friends newly made Pinterest page, I decided I'd give it a whirl too.
I'd contemplated it before, but wasn't entirely sure how it worked.
Now I have a pinterest, and it is super easy, and SUPER addictive!
Yikes, just another tool spawned for distracting me, ha ha. 

But really, it's so great. So simple, so cute. I am sure I will become sucked in and have many-a-pin-board within the next few months.
Follow me if you wish: http://pinterest.com/eleutheromania/

I don't like to make this page too personal but I thought you should know I've had a lot of bad things going on in my life lately. Particularly with the one I love the most. Things have crumbled right down into a pile, but that has only made me ever so determined to fix everything.
I have to take a hold of the reins and lead my own way, because I am the only one who can fix myself and this situation/my life/everything.

Anyway, yesterday Samuel and I went on a little date, as such.
We'd been camping and after a morning of watching friends fishing & wandering around rich, fancy housing estates we headed off home in search of lunch that wasn't too overpriced like the things we'd found in that particular town. We roadtripped home, sang old songs loudly, held hands in the car and danced. Sort of like some species of emu...
Then we pulled into the Bowling Alley when we got back to Kempsey, and ordered a Works Burger (for me) & some chips for him and a Mars Bar milkshake each. Then we played an arcade racing game against each other, and for the first time in my life I won and fluffy toy out of a skill-tester! I was literally that excited, I thought the claw was just going to drop it, and it didn't, and I may have done a little up&down happy jump when I grabbed it out of the machine. Then we went and ate our food by the river in the sun, and he wiped sauce off of my chin and we smiled and got sunburnt and it was all happy.

Anyway, it was really sweet and I'm definitely making sure there's many more cute dates to happen within the future months.

 On the road

Everyone loves pringles!

Sunshine.

It's one of those beautiful Autumn days where the sun's shining and the air is full of warmth until you walk into the shade and the air's pooling with coolness. The sky's bluer than blue and the air's still. I suppose these photographs somewhat simulate the feelings I get from this kind of day. I hope you're all having a lovely, happy day. x

hello there!

I know, I know, I have hardly been posting enough on this blog whatsoever!
My schedule has been jam packed and I have been super stressed and unmotivated and uninspired for weeks on end. I'm making this quick post to give this blog a little nurturing and to tell you; Yes, I am alive.
I am also doing a 30 day health challenge. '30 Days to Healthy.'
I am not treating this like a diet, it is simply to make me feel better inside and out and flush away the toxic waste I have been drowning my body in of late.
There's seriously nothing better than feeling clean, fresh and alive and eating healthy always makes you feel like that.
So here's the link to my 30 day challenge blog .
Feel free to follow, stalk or just peek to see what it's all about. I will be posting every day and keeping you up to date with my food and how I am feeling. Love to you all! xx

Bloggy!

I feel as if I should be punished for neglecting you. You're like a beautiful plant yet I am inconsistent with your nurturing. So many things have happened, yet so little, everything is a hurricane.  I went ahead and aged, turned into an adult. Yes, I am now 18, a legal human being. We sipped and gulped drinks and danced upon tables and skateboards into the wee hours and woke covered in bruises and lumps and infused with some new memories.

I also got a job, which is handy money wise although it's a little too busy for my liking, full days two days a week and I am finding it difficult as hell and the Dragon lady who acts oh-so-nicely sometimes is actually as cold as ice and just expects the world from me in such short amounts of time. There is only so much filing and typing and archiving and doing ALL of the slave duties I can handle. She is already showing her evil side and seems to think I can just dismiss my uni work for her work, which I'm sorry, is not going to happen. I do want to quit, but would that be careless of me? I need to live life.

I am stuck in a rut, and I would very much like to get out.
But this blog is not for my depressing outbursts, so I shall settle this and post some glorious things that will hopefully brighten up your day as much as they do mine.

Overdosing on literary subjects.

Today I bought a laptop with the scholarship money centrelink gave me for studying at University.
It was rather delightful this-morning, casually tapping my pin number into the atm and pressing a few buttons only to see a figure of one thousand and several hundred dollars staring back it me in shining, white digits.
It would have been more enjoyable if it had have been staying there, but nevertheless I needed a laptop oh-so-badly and now I have one, and I'm most certainly  not complaining. I still have quite a bit left, after purchasing the laptop, and Microsoft office and the warranty doo-dads I ended up spending $920 all up.
And to be perfectly and somewhat embarrassingly honest with you, I was actually shaking after I spent such a large amount of money. I think I went into a little bit of shock, but now I'm here with my newest baby and I'm mighty fine,  apart from the horrendous flu I have and the tiny but insanely irritating pimple I have forming on my chin.

I typed up three study sheets for the next 14 weeks of my uni work. I'm going to print them out tomorrow and stick them on the wall by my bed, just so I can stare at them and use them as a fuel for future anxiety attacks. I kid, I kid. I do need them, and they will help me very much so. I'm enjoying the uni course so far, and what it has to offer although it has taken many hour upon hour to figure everything out, and I think I've nearly figured it all out, I just need to buy one more textbook and a selection of other books I need for one particular unit.
I've even already done task 1 for week 1, which was only a small paragraph but in reality it is a rather large achievement for me. When I was in my senior years at High School I feel into an awful habit of not doing assignments or work because I was scared, and I would become so stressed that no matter how many times I read the assignment sheet, thought about, tried to start it, and so on, I would freeze up and not be able to process anything and I would never finish the task. It was only after the due date was gone, and I didn't have to worry about making up another excuse as to why I hadn't completed it, that I could actually make sense of it all.  So this year, I aim to not do that at all. I most certainly will not do it, because this work involves a rather large debt at the end and could potentially be the beginning of my future life career. I hope so, anyway.

I think I'll stop this nonsensical rambling now and go and make myself a nice hot, milky Chai tea to get me all drowsy and ready for sleep. Tomorrow, I have things to do. Like read my first lot of readings, continue to be involved in my online classes, start drafting Assignment one and all the other jazz I have lined up in my real world, like food shopping, getting film developed and purchasing a new printer to print of my study plans. Goodnight whitechalkandpaper, we will meet again soon.

Nostalgia.

As the sun was starting to set
I photographed myself outside in the light
I let the mud run between my toes
I let flowers fall into my hair
I stared into the evening sky and I thought of everything
That ever made me happy...
I thought of the Summer nights when I was a child
I thought of sunburn, cicadas, dirty feet
Polka dot skirts, Vegemite sandwhiches
Trampolines with water on them, running nude under sprinklers
Laughing, living, without caring about what tomorrow would bring.

Oh, my.

This is basically what my Summer has looked like. For the last two months, and a bit.

Yes, there has been the odd sunny day, but for the most part, it's been grey, cloudy, and raining.

The most utterly dismal Summer I have ever encountered. Probably the coldest, too. Don't get me wrong, we've had some stinking hot days because of the humidity after rain, but for instance, right now it's 20 degrees and I'm an oversized t-shirt and pyjama pants. Summer here is usually anywhere between 30-40 degrees on a good day. Sometimes even higher.

For someone who really enjoys Summer, and who has been looking forward to the scorching hot days, beaches, ice-cream, even the sunburn and mozzie bites, it's down right depressing.

So I figure, I need something to keep me occupied. This will sound really sad, but it's true. I have pretty much spent the last two months sitting around the house doing absolutely nothing  blogging.

I'm an excellent procrastonator also, and I've found even easier to not do anything I'm supposed to be doing and just be lazy instead. And fat and depressed and confused and dead.I've come up with five things I think I should learn/attempt this year.

1.

Make some cushions.

I have a few pillows that get thrown onto my bed when it's made, but none of them really go together.
I am also rather bored with my  bedroom and I think this year I should tidy it all out and fix it up a little. Cushions always add a little something to bedrooms, and I think I shall find some bright/patterned pretty fabric and make some cushions for my bed. Cushions are super easy to make, so this project will be fun AND easy.  Oh, and that super cute sheep pillow ^ is from here.

2.
Make more cupcakes!

I have this book and it is just so lovely. 500 different cupcake recipes. Sweet, savoury, diet, you name it.
I used to make cupcakes all the time and now I barely make anything, so I'm thinking I really, really need to start trying out some of the different recipes. Without making myself double in size, ha, ha. No, but seriously who doesn't love homemade cupcakes? A pretty, and tasty way to waste my time.

3.
Learn to Knit again.

Letting my inner granny come out here, or should I call it 'trendy craft girl'. lol.
When I was younger my mum tought me how to knit and I would spend morning after morning in bed with her knitting rows and rows to make little blankets for my toys. I've completely forgotton how to knit so I think I should teach myself again. Maybe one day I'll be able to knit a whole double layered woolen beanie in two hours like my grandma. Or even a cute cardigan.

4.
Paint some paintings, for my room.


I'm using this painting as an example because I am certainly not going to go out of my way and attempt to paint a portrait or a reaslitic landscape or anything out of my talents reach. I did art, yes, I can paint better than some people, yes, but I am not highly skilled and abstract or expressionist works are much more my cup of tea. One day when I'm feeling highly motivated (I need to work on that) I will create some sort of paintings to go in my room. Most likely a triptych that fits in together. I need to work out colour schemes and things like that too.

5.
Learn to cook some delicious dinners.


Okay, so cooking is obviously a basic skill that is benificial to every human.
And I most certainly do have basic cooking skills but I want to learn some fancy, really yummy recipes, just so I can say I can cook them. And actually cook them. And eat them. haha.
Mother is going to start me a cookbook soon which we will fill with my favourite recipes and I will collect some off my Grandma as she literally (and I mean literally) has Hundreds of cookbooks. She is the best cook I know. And it's nice when people enjoy your cooking, it really is.